College Grad Blues

¹con·fi·dence:noun: a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances.

When you have self-confidence, you trust in, or rely upon, yourself. Possessing confidence in yourself means believing that you have the ability to become, achieve or acquire whatever you want. Sure sounds good eh?

If only things were so simple.

You can have all the self-confidence in the world and it wont guarantee that you’ll succeed.  I want to be successful in this world but it seems every time I set out to accomplish something, I end up settling for less. Doors are slammed shut and I end up more depressed and disappointed then ever.

I got a college degree yet I still make less than $2,000 a month. Something is very wrong with the world lately. What’s the point of going to school to get a education anymore? There are no entry-level positions, and if there are most of them require 2 years of experience just to get your foot in the door. How am I supposed to get 2 years of experience if no one will hire me? I got a kick ass resume, 3 internships to back me up, and graduated Magna Cum Laude–yet it seems I’m just not qualified enough. I have a friend who has a Masters degree yet works at the Gap as a manager making $18,000 a year because he can’t find a job and now he’s stuck paying back $70,000 in student loans on his salary. I’m tired of hearing people complain about having to settle for a job in a field that they didn’t even got to school for just because it pays the bills.

He unfortunately is falling into a deadly trap:

Graduated from college -> can’t find job -> get’s low paying “temporary” job just to pay the bills -> starts to become complacent and falls into routine -> struggles to get out of routine but can’t because of accumulation of debt to finance lifestyle of escaping reality and impressing people with material possessions -> effectively becomes a slave to the job as it is needed to pay the bills-> looks foward to weekend to complain about job but does nothing and gets wasted to forget troubles-> gets depressed -> struggles to find meaning in life -> maybe gets a small promotion at temporary job by employer as an incentive not to quit -> hates waking up in the morning everyday but does it anyway to pay the bills -> makes other people’s lives miserable because his is -> rinse and repeat for 40 years -> lies on deathbed regretting life, wishing he could go back and change it all, and dies knowing that he can’t.

Oh God I don’t want that to be me, but I fear that I am becoming more cynical…

I got all the self-confidence in the world, and I’m living my life right so what is it that I’m doing wrong? A friend of mine said you gotta love what you do and be good at it. Well duh…. that’s a no-brainer, I love the field I studied but how will I ever be able to get into to it if there are no jobs?

Nappy and Unhappy?

“Does it itch?”

No dumbass. Instead of replying I silently shook my head no, confused as to why people assumed that my head must be itchy just because my hair is natural.

“It sure looks like it does….”

And the comments just keep rolling… You’d think she’d take a hint by now to stop talking.

“It looks dry. Why did you cut your hair off in the first place? Were you going through some angry black woman phase?”

There goes those damn questions again. Some people just don’t understand why a girl would want to have natural hair. I dunno why I cut off, I just felt like weave and relaxers just ain’t me. Could it be that I’m not ashamed of my curly coif? Or maybe it’s because I refuse to conform to the ideology that there’s only one type of beauty? I dunno what my reasons maybe but I love my hair. I look in the mirror and I see myself for who I am everyday, even when it looks a hot mess. So forget everyone else who doesn’t like it or can’t understand why I wear my hair the way I do. Nah bitch, it aint itchy, and nah I’m not an angry black woman, I’m just doing me, that’s all.